Monday, July 04, 2005

well term tests are here haiz.... i'm so exhausted and tired la... Of chasing my $390 wheelset that's wit terence... Thanks to mr hudson... Sian cause of my wrist... it can't function properly la. Like handicapped like that. Most of all my riding... i certainly have not improved but deproved... Till even ppl comment abt me... That i should ride more and improve. Nel also like give up on me already... used to be close but now... like normal friends only... I wonder whether did the army change him or i changed for the worse ? Even one's improving but but skills are stagnant... Should i stop riding for a while and study ? I wanna pass my this sem and clear all my modules like i did last sem. I wanna study but my heart is not there... Haiz... I wanna ride but my heart is not there as well. Riding does not seem as fun as before, It used to be i better than u i teach u, now it has been so competitive, qie here qie there, it's become so serious until there has already been conflict in ESR! Everyone does not seem as friendly as before, the closeness in gone. Even one has their own lifes already, all growing up. First james now alex and leon. Who's next ? Alexis and Hung yi came back probably due to having free time now they are in the army haiz... I don't even feel like going japan for e competition in august.. feel that i'm wasting time and money... I think i need a break... I think i need to change my lifestyle. I wanna quit smoking... I feel so ashamed of myself that i let myself pick it up, still remembered how against smoking i was when i was in pri sch. I need to stop scamming and telling lies... Losing the trust in my close friends... I should come home earlier everynight... Listen to my dad more... save up more money. Be more humble, don't be so hao lian... shut up and listen more... I'm still so young... i wanna get my license... I FEEL LIKE SHOUTING OUT LOUD!!! ARGHZ!!! I feel so alone these days... How i wish i could have someone too talk too. It's saddening how u care so much for every single one of you friends but when u need someone no wan's there for u... Not even someone who, u have been there for. It's also amazing how some one, who u used to like so much when u were in pri sch MIA for a few years and suddenly msg u juz to attend her church service. I'm i a bad guy ? Am i not good enough for u ? Am i not sincere enough ? Well i guess i'm juz e guy left on the lost and found section, covered wit dust. Where's e miss right coming into my life ? I'm lost now! I wanna change to e Monty 231TI, i wanna change to 6230i, i wan my fucking wrist to recover SNIFF and i wan her!!!


Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 8:47 AM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****