Thursday, August 11, 2011

It's been eons since i posted a blog entry, but based on the circumstances. I have decided to resurrect it.. Its been a long time, and i finally managed to let go of u completely Yiting, i'm sure we can be friends from now on :) I'm happy for u and kenneth, hope u both and doing well and may grow in years to come..

Well letting you go, i also opened up my heart to u Shu may, i'll nvr forget that 22nd dec 2010 last year at kool pub when i first layed eyes on you.. It was just, i wished i could freeze the moment there and then. U took my breathe away, everything abt u, u just had that poise and just made everything else ard u dull. I was just overwhelmed by u that night. That i couldn't help myself engaging time and again with u and having a conversation. That night while trying to sleep u were just at the back of my head and i couldn't help myself from thinking abt u. I had to be sure about how i felt about u, that's why probably i looked kinda desperate in asking audre to arrange an outing asap, i was just waiting and waiting for that day to come, our 2nd outing was a movie, and from then on i knew i had a crush on you. The signs were all there i couldn't help it, i couldn't look eye to eye with u and talk to u, cause i'll just be damn paiseh, and ur presence made me, not myself ? I'm just dumbfounded ard u. Silly me but ya, thats a fact, i go for feelings and not anything else. After the second outing i actually tried finding u on face book, so much for me commenting on others who any how add girls and talked to them, and i messaged u straight away that night.

I was using a stupid crappy Sony Ericsson hp, and was just waiting for u to reply, i was just damn happy when u did and we started communicating on face book, every time u replied a gush of happiness just overwhelmed and i was constantly logging in to face book to check whether u replied. I know i kinda failed, cause i asked ur number on face book.. i just wanted to know u better, i wanted to just see u, and be ard u..

after which our cliques interlinked and we became closer, i began to like u more and more, knowing u better each day, we hanged out, like all the wierd wierd stuff i like to eat u also like :D

I really didn't know what went wrong, i thought it started out well, or maybe i was just thinking too much, or prolly i came on to strong, i just subconsciously did things for u, like the valentines day cookies, which took me a whole day to bake, i wanted to it to be special. I wanted u to remember it, i wanted to be special to u someday :) I wanted to protect u, be there for u, and standby u if needed to, like when we hit the clubs and ur other guy friends were they intoxicated and they were kinda touchy and stuff, i know i didn't have any right or any say, but i couldn't watch u being uncomfortable in anyway. And i intervened and had the intention only to protect u, nothing else in mind, and i would be willing to throw or eat a punch if it was for ur well being. I couldn't help but insisting on sending u back that night u puked, by then i was alrdy sure and u just meant alot to me, I was afraid, afraid of losing you to someone else. after sending fel back and u vomitted, i know u were trying to stay awake just in case i fell asleep, and holding the plastic bag up and trying to prevent it from spilling, i'm not a touchy guy by nature, but something just made me hold ur hands. U fell asleep smiling soon after peacefully while i held ur hands.

Driving 1 hand without power steering and a manual car intoxicated, is no joke. but i don't mind doing it endless times, just to be that hand for u to hold on too, when u need comfort or when u are sad and afraid. I woke u up while holding ur hands, the fact that u can't remember it the next morning is just... i dono wad to say.. sigh.. the BKK trip was totally a mistake to begin with i don't even wanna talk it..

That faithful night that u shattered, i felt so hopeless and helpless, i wanted so much to see u, i wanted to be there for you, so much even if to be the one that pick up all ur soiled tissue paper, i'll do it. I wished i could be the one wiping ur tears with a tissue paper or a punching bag for u to vent ur frustrations, i really wanted to hug u and comfort u.

It was so agonizing that emotions just overwhelmed me, and i couldn't hold back the tears for the night, Audre and Amy were just angels, they were there to comfort and just talk to me to get my mind away, but i couldn't.. so i just drank endlessly until it numbed the pain...

Shu may, i really hope you'll get over him someday soon, it hurts to see u like this. But i'm just bottling up everything. Cause of the friendship, and i'm trying my best not to do anything for you, when i'm about too. I'm trying my best too, i know it's awkward, but spare a thought for my feelings as a guy too, taking photos with everyone even Damien, except me ? Isn't that a bit too harsh ? U alrdy hurt that much that night, are u gonna deepen the wound further ? It's painful, pls be nice, or i'll just walk away...



Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 10:52 AM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****