Tuesday, December 09, 2014

It's been a very long while since i posted in here. But it seems its better to write it out then to tell it too someone. why did i even let it happen. why did i even open the emptyness inside. Why did i even let you feel it up... Why am i even writing this in the first place. When in the first place it started out with nothing. i cant eat proper;y i cant sleep. i thnk about you all the time. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck totally going insane. Why chantel why did i even let myself fall for you when it should have been left as friends. I know i screwed it up i really did, this obession of love. You told me i'm a nice guy and that i should leave jesslin and i did, you told me you had enough of meeting other guys. you told me to go after someone else more worth while and i did. i gave my all to you, and you judged me cause of all those previous other girls. If i had liked u then do u think i would even have even let all those happen ? I really gave my all, because u let me feel how to love again. If u had felt something u should have said it. I was always ard u. telling it in my face wouldnt have let it end up like this.

Chances are i'm earning a place on you dont reply or P ban list. cause i'm messing it up real bad..
cause of the pain. i miss u so much cause we are in this state.. argh.. guess theres no hope cause as you mentioned before. If a girl doesn't wanna reply you, she has no interest in you so stop being irritating and let it go. So here i am letting it go...


Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 2:39 PM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****

Thursday, August 11, 2011

It's been eons since i posted a blog entry, but based on the circumstances. I have decided to resurrect it.. Its been a long time, and i finally managed to let go of u completely Yiting, i'm sure we can be friends from now on :) I'm happy for u and kenneth, hope u both and doing well and may grow in years to come..

Well letting you go, i also opened up my heart to u Shu may, i'll nvr forget that 22nd dec 2010 last year at kool pub when i first layed eyes on you.. It was just, i wished i could freeze the moment there and then. U took my breathe away, everything abt u, u just had that poise and just made everything else ard u dull. I was just overwhelmed by u that night. That i couldn't help myself engaging time and again with u and having a conversation. That night while trying to sleep u were just at the back of my head and i couldn't help myself from thinking abt u. I had to be sure about how i felt about u, that's why probably i looked kinda desperate in asking audre to arrange an outing asap, i was just waiting and waiting for that day to come, our 2nd outing was a movie, and from then on i knew i had a crush on you. The signs were all there i couldn't help it, i couldn't look eye to eye with u and talk to u, cause i'll just be damn paiseh, and ur presence made me, not myself ? I'm just dumbfounded ard u. Silly me but ya, thats a fact, i go for feelings and not anything else. After the second outing i actually tried finding u on face book, so much for me commenting on others who any how add girls and talked to them, and i messaged u straight away that night.

I was using a stupid crappy Sony Ericsson hp, and was just waiting for u to reply, i was just damn happy when u did and we started communicating on face book, every time u replied a gush of happiness just overwhelmed and i was constantly logging in to face book to check whether u replied. I know i kinda failed, cause i asked ur number on face book.. i just wanted to know u better, i wanted to just see u, and be ard u..

after which our cliques interlinked and we became closer, i began to like u more and more, knowing u better each day, we hanged out, like all the wierd wierd stuff i like to eat u also like :D

I really didn't know what went wrong, i thought it started out well, or maybe i was just thinking too much, or prolly i came on to strong, i just subconsciously did things for u, like the valentines day cookies, which took me a whole day to bake, i wanted to it to be special. I wanted u to remember it, i wanted to be special to u someday :) I wanted to protect u, be there for u, and standby u if needed to, like when we hit the clubs and ur other guy friends were they intoxicated and they were kinda touchy and stuff, i know i didn't have any right or any say, but i couldn't watch u being uncomfortable in anyway. And i intervened and had the intention only to protect u, nothing else in mind, and i would be willing to throw or eat a punch if it was for ur well being. I couldn't help but insisting on sending u back that night u puked, by then i was alrdy sure and u just meant alot to me, I was afraid, afraid of losing you to someone else. after sending fel back and u vomitted, i know u were trying to stay awake just in case i fell asleep, and holding the plastic bag up and trying to prevent it from spilling, i'm not a touchy guy by nature, but something just made me hold ur hands. U fell asleep smiling soon after peacefully while i held ur hands.

Driving 1 hand without power steering and a manual car intoxicated, is no joke. but i don't mind doing it endless times, just to be that hand for u to hold on too, when u need comfort or when u are sad and afraid. I woke u up while holding ur hands, the fact that u can't remember it the next morning is just... i dono wad to say.. sigh.. the BKK trip was totally a mistake to begin with i don't even wanna talk it..

That faithful night that u shattered, i felt so hopeless and helpless, i wanted so much to see u, i wanted to be there for you, so much even if to be the one that pick up all ur soiled tissue paper, i'll do it. I wished i could be the one wiping ur tears with a tissue paper or a punching bag for u to vent ur frustrations, i really wanted to hug u and comfort u.

It was so agonizing that emotions just overwhelmed me, and i couldn't hold back the tears for the night, Audre and Amy were just angels, they were there to comfort and just talk to me to get my mind away, but i couldn't.. so i just drank endlessly until it numbed the pain...

Shu may, i really hope you'll get over him someday soon, it hurts to see u like this. But i'm just bottling up everything. Cause of the friendship, and i'm trying my best not to do anything for you, when i'm about too. I'm trying my best too, i know it's awkward, but spare a thought for my feelings as a guy too, taking photos with everyone even Damien, except me ? Isn't that a bit too harsh ? U alrdy hurt that much that night, are u gonna deepen the wound further ? It's painful, pls be nice, or i'll just walk away...



Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 10:52 AM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****

Saturday, September 27, 2008

HEY peeps I'm 21 already HOHOHO!!! HAHAHA!!! finally!!! WOOT!!! 24 hours later will be Michelle's turn to be 21 :) Going to her party later YEAH YEAH!!! Birthday mood !!!

Last tuesday had nights off, and guess wad i did ?? (DOTA??) no not this time, met up wit ngiamese!! She's studying in NUS la, so near my camp, met up for dinner and catching up, haven seen her in quite a while, picked her up frm BBDC than went to jurong point had delifrance for dinner, both of us felt kinda cheated cause there was billy bombers on the 3rd floor ha! walked around jurong point and updated each other abt our lives here and there :P she hasn't change one bit, ok maybe much slimmer now not that she was actually fat and as innocent as ever. lol. Well she's been the one there for me whenever i was down in the past few years talked to me and ya was my ear, she's my longest ever friend ok since like kindergarden. AScension!! way back.. old sch haha.. Guess i don't need her ear this year round i hope :p should be hanging out wit her more often cause old friends are still the best!!! haha!! Tks Michelle 4 always being there!!! Photo's will be updated soon of her birthday party and my brithday party cherios!


Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 2:32 AM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Hey peeps, been a while since i blogged, well passed out of BSLC already in 1 piece surprisingly haha, didn't make the mark to go OCS, but into PTI!!! reference row ready! class ready! class move out!! Training's been alright i guess, 6 weeks into the course already. 7 more weeks to go HUHA! POW juz got commissioned, so grand la the commissioning, y PTI don't have ah lol. Anyway, been training hard definately and putting my best effort into this course, not chao genging in any way. Looking forward to CPFT clearing it in 1 shoot.. CPFT = swim 200m long 4 rifle, FBO run 1.5km clear SOC than 3.5km!!! It's tough but i know i can make it cause i know i can!

Been a series of up's and down's this past 2 weeks, had a arguement with someone, only to know that everything she did cause she pity me and don't wan me to be sad, well thanks for the thought. I realli dono wad got into me, to be there when she had a 1001 things to complain abt her bf, advicing her as a neutral party after breaking up wit her bf she cried and i was there listening, brought her out, accompanied her, brought her to places she didn't ever go b4, went out for movies after talking to her mum, wee hours in the morning, woke her up when i knew she wouldn't wake up and was there under her block cause i knew she'll be late for violin classes at times on saturday's haven slept the night b4.. Most of all, ran a mile to get gastric pills juz for her when she had gastric, after advicing her to grab a bite. I realli realli feel so stupid and disappointed. The sacrifices i made, the things i did, i don't ask for anything in return seriously. I don't need ur pityness or whatsoever. I was nvr alone, i got my bro's with me anytime, juz that maybe it was juz to used to having u around me that i felt wierd not having u ard. I took a day at a time and it's been a week. I'm 21 already. Sorry for all the harsh words i said and promising u nvr to make u cry. Didn't mean it the way u looked at it but i juz can't be bothered explaining to u already.

Glad u found someone else new, cause maybe ur juz tired and had enough of this used rag towel over here, that after finding someone new u juz can't wait to dump the old one away. Well i feel so used and worn that i'm tired of all this already. GLHF wit him than. Till death do us part if u ever read this, we should have stayed disliking each other, cause i'm juz to helpful that i helped myself to fall in love wit u...


Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 9:30 PM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****

Thursday, July 31, 2008

sup peeps, juz plucked out my wisdom tooth... Hurts like a sial!! Got 2 days MC, half my tooth was decayed due to it being too deep than unable to brush so oh well.. took it out cause half of it broke off haha! I got an injection, than in less than a min it was plucked out!! like ta da! out.. i was stunned.. painless.. than after the thingy wore off PAIN! i have been bleeding since like 11:30am i feel like my mouth having menses la!! Anyway i'm out, took e effort went to a pink rose and surprised her, cause today thursday ma than came to her place, sadly she wasn't even surprised or happy or anything like tat.. damn saded la.. effort like went down the drain. Don't talk at the $$ cause it's juz small.. The future's so dim, for both of us, hope it'll light up sooner or later.. hope the things i do and the sacrifices i make will somehow touch her heart some how or rather or maybe does the probem lie with me after all this years ? 21 in 2 mths, hope i can spend it with her together wit her and be wit her :) that'll be the best present i can ever have in yrs! I feel like downgrading after BSLC, lets see how..


Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 4:13 AM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****

Sunday, July 27, 2008

5 weeks into sispes left 3 more weeks to POP lol! hopefully can cross over to OCS!! which is so near yet so far siaz... Zzz.. life's been a full of up's and dwn's this while army realli takes alot of things away frm u and time!! arghx.. so much things to do yet so little time..

Has been quite awhile since i had this same strong burning feeling for someone. Too god or someone of a higher power ? U have been treating me well, i'm financially stable, i have a car, i have almost wad i wanted that money can buy, but deep down inside, i realli want a special someone to share all this with, it's so vake, if i had a chance i'll trade all this juz to lead a normal life and have someone by my side. it's realli been long weeks to months to years. Am i not caring enough ? Am i not giving my fullest or the best that i can give to her ? Why does it always end up another guy getting into the fucking picture! The best part is he's a friend! Why does it always end up this way and nvr a fairy tale story or have a happy ending ?

Pls look after her frm above and take care of her, not to be hurt, take away her pain and her worries and problems, guide her and make her strong. Cause i realli realli juz love her too much that i can't do much for her but to look frm afar as a friend. Hope fate will do us part and things will change for the better..

Chris u realli mean alot to me but i juz want u to be happy.


Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 3:26 AM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Hey peeps guess this blog had been kinda neglected, juz to update u guys, i'm in army now, juz poped! and currently in command sch SISPEC = suffer in silence plus extra confinement :) haha. so ya keep in touch guys


Brandon was ThIs Is ShItZ! at 2:27 PM

****MaNuaLiNg AwAy****